Love is Effort
‘Simon, son of John, do you love me?’
‘Lord, you know everything; you know I love you.’
~ John 21: 1-19 ~
It’s not easy to ‘feel the love’ at times. Misunderstanding, irritation, tiredness, jealousy, different temperament, resentment, emotional unavailability, betrayal, physical distance, boredom and familiarity that breeds contempt, can all chip away at our relationships.
Tangible expressions of love can be forgotten when routine overtakes sensitivity. Love can seem to disappear in the ordinary moments and interactions of daily life. However just because the surface of a relationship seems distant with little time for contact and there is hurt or there is misunderstanding, it doesn’t necessarily mean we don’t have love for the other. Love sits at a place beneath the ebb and flow of disconnection. We can still be willing to die for someone close to us, yet at the same time be seething with resentment and anger towards them. Love rests in a deeper place.
How do we touch that deeper place?
We do it through ritual. Our lives together, in any community, are sustained by small and big rituals that keep us together, keep us respectful and enable us wait patiently throughout the ups and downs. For example; sometimes we greet each other with real warmth and sometimes our greetings barely mask our irritation or boredom. However, we still greet each other.
Saying, ‘G’ day’ is a ritual act, an important one. It says that we love and care for each other, even when that isn’t exactly what we may be feeling. It is also true of a peck on the cheek as we greet or say goodbye. A ritual hug, a sign of peace in our churches, and (especially) our commitment to sit down with each other at regular times for meals and other get-togethers- these are important rituals that say with our action and our commitment, what our feelings sometimes cannot say:
‘I love you!’
‘I’m really trying hard to love you and myself at the moment.’
‘I’m here for you, even when we are both too tired, and too familiar with each other, too preoccupied and busy, and too irritated by our differences to ‘feel the love’ at this moment.’
Ritual speaks for love. Fronting up to be with each other is love!