In 4/5 Griffin we have been learning all about ‘show don’t tell’ to ‘explode the moment’. It’s been very exciting.
First, we looked at some good texts to find how an author crafts his or her great writing. Our class novel, The Wishing Spell, has given us some excellent examples. We studied these from a reader’s perspectives to look at what makes a good piece of writing for the reader.
Then we practised using descriptive language to ‘show’ the reader rather than ‘tell’ the reader what is happening. Using this writing strategy means the reader infers what is happening in our stories.
Here are some examples of our ‘show don’t tell’ sentences, can you infer how our character is feeling?
• I was clenching my fist so hard I could have crushed rock. [Heath]
• He was stomping around like a cranky soldier. [William]
• She stomped down the stairs like an elephant. [Lucinda]
• She ran away, crying into her hands. [Tamsen]
• She felt like her heart just broke. [Hien Duc]
Then we exploded the moment by adding details to elaborate:
• Willow stomped her paws quickly, she looked like she was about to breath fire. She turned around and slashed my face with her tail. She was in a mood. [Olivia]
• I had just woken up to see my room looking like a pigsty. I walked carefully past my stuff, making sure not to step on anything, into the long hallway – only to hear giggling from the closet in my room. I stormed back into my room and saw my brother laughing on the ground. [Reuben]
• Sarah shrugged, how could her best friend Mave turn her back on her? She felt absolutely forlorn as she walked into her room. Within seconds she was sobbing uncontrollably on her bed. [Alice]
We can’t wait to practice writing some longer stories to explode the moment.
Leanne Griffin [Year 4/5 Teacher]