Hi Everyone,
How are you? As always, I hope that this note finds you all really well as we get back to a normal routine (albeit possibly a new and slightly unfamiliar routine for many!)
Well Jack Frost has certainly been busy this week … blankets of frost on garden lawns and ovals and for the first time that I can remember, thick ice on my car windscreen and windows each morning! It almost looks like a winter wonderland as we make our way to school in the mornings! And then, just like magic, the frost dissipates and we are left with cold but clear, sunny days … a bit like a payoff for the discomfort of the bitterly cold mornings! Speaking of payoffs … after having a conversation this morning, it was pointed out that whilst it’s unfortunate that during the Covid-19 times things have changed somewhat within our school grounds, a perhaps surprising observation is that the children are for the greatest part, doing a wonderful job of preparing themselves for learning, showing great organisational skills and co-operation as they ready themselves to have a really successful day! I know how hard it is to wave goodbye to your children at the school gate each morning and leave them to get themselves organised as they disappear from sight, to make their way into their classrooms … but please be assured that your children are stepping up and showing great leadership qualities as they organise themselves and assisting their peers to do the same … be very proud of your children, as always!
Now more than ever, it’s so beneficial to have conversations with your children at the end of the school day about how their day was! If I may offer a suggestion, perhaps don’t bombard them with questions as soon as you see them or as they get into the car or walk through the door … imagine yourself and how you would best communicate about your day, perhaps it wouldn’t be the moment you arrive home … for me, I like just a moment or two (or an hour or three to relax … just joking, that’s wishful thinking, right?!!) before I debrief about my day to those around me … our kids are the same (unless yours are ones who can’t wait to share every little detail with you, without drawing breath!) they might need time to process things that happened before verbalising or they might fit somewhere in between … you know your children better than anyone and know what works best for them!
I would just say that if you would like to encourage conversations with your children, open questions are far more effective to foster discussions than ones that only require a yes/no answer (or for those with older children, possibly a grunt or eye roll!) Asking your child to tell you one or two highlights of their day (hopefully the answer won’t just be recess and lunch!!) might lead to a valuable exchange between you both … just as important as a highlight is asking about a disappointment … It’s really great if you can allow your child space to process the good and not so good moments of their day and if they have a disappointment, please take the time to really listen (it might seem trivial to us, but to a child, their ‘issue’ might be a huge challenge) … we don’t always have to listen with the intention of solving their problem or challenge (obviously there are instances where it is necessary to step in and help solve the problem, but often, to listen and allow your child to come up with solutions and therefore giving them credit that they might well have ideas re problem solving, could be far more beneficial for them in the long run). Please note … I am referring to general ‘disappointments’ and challenges, not important topics that affect your child’s wellbeing and mental health.
To give your child your undivided attention for a few minutes at the end of their day, to really listen to them without distractions if possible, is so very important to their overall wellbeing … to be heard, no matter our age, is something we all need. And when you have someone willing and able to really listen to what we’re saying … not to necessarily try to solve our problems but just to sit with us and listen (the beautiful phrase, to hold space for someone comes to my mind) can make a real difference … think back to a time when you felt really listened to … how did it make you feel? Our children crave that same feeling, it’s so important to our child’s development to know that they are heard … it may only take 5 minutes each day or at various times during the day, but those 5 minutes may make all the difference to your relationship with your child and build a strong, healthy relationship for you both (I can probably guarantee you that at bedtime, those conversations and need to be heard may well take up hours if we allow it … you know what I’m talking about I’m sure!) So definitely pick the moments when you have time to block out distractions and really listen to what your child has to say … if you do this, you will benefit just as much as your child will, no doubt about it! And in closing (something I have to remind myself many times) please learn to listen without the intention of formulating a reply … it’s a skill to be mastered no doubt … many times we listen with the intent to reply and it changes the whole dynamic of the conversation … try it and see what you think! You can thank me later lol!
Hope you have a fabulous weekend (and whilst the weather might not co-operate sadly) hope you have time to relax, enjoy time with those you love and care for, and if possible, take some moments for yourself … you deserve it!
Here’s to wonderful conversations, pauses in routines and the busyness of daily life … here’s to listening to those around us … who knows what we might learn!! And if it’s your ‘thing’ … here’s to the return of Footy!!
Take care!
Karen Marks, Pastoral care worker.